I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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