why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
