dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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