I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
