and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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