He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
