I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
