please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I believe in your delicious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
