If that was your dad, he is hot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
