Your tits are I can't wait for
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
