Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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