Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
