i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
