are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
