Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
