new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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