I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
