i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need to calm my uterus...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
