Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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