I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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