ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
