it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
