She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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