Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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