No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
