Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
