at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
