you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
