i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
