I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
