i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
