rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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