My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you inspire me to be a worse person
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
