remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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