Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
