fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
