I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
