"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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