at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
