I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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