I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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