Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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