Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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