I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
