oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
