can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
