I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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