where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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