Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
