Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
