its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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