I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
