Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
