I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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