hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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