I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
