Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
