And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
