I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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