So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
