we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
