She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
