I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
