WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize