did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
