It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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