if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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