Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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