420 ftw
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
