he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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