we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
