did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
