Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
